Having heard a guest speaker at our tinny little church begin each meeting with HIS idea of humor, I compared what came out of his mouth with what I had read in God's Word, the Bible. It didn't match up. No, the man never used the dreaded "N" word, but he made condescending remarks about my friends of color.
Marsha was a member of the Daughters of the Confederacy. She never approved of my Mom, so in time, I didn't approve of HER. YOu couldn't go barefoot at Marsha's house for the sand spurs there.Marsha would say, "Son, there's no such thing as a Yankee...it's a DAMN Yankee!" Mom nor dad, nor anyone else in my family used language like that. Marsha had slapped my face when I fidgeted as a toddler. I didn't remember it, but Mom told me about it. See, Marsha was my Dad's mom, and I've never called her my Grandmother.
I already was called a "nigger lover" my many, but it didn't bother me, because when someone would call me that, I would say, "I love EVERYBODY. Isn't that what you're supposed to do?"
So by age eleven, when I could make some choices, I skipped those every two week trips to North Carolina, even though I would miss seeing Granny Godley, my sister's Grandmother I also stopped going to the little church but I didn't stop worshipping my Lord. I just did it a new way, by reading my Bible on Sunday mornings and listening to Elvis' Gospel music. God met with me and we truly hung out. I was clinging to a little experience I had at about age six when my Uncle Aaron came and preached a revival. I went forward. In my young mind, if I went forward, invited Jesus in my heart and asked Him to forgive me of my sins, I had become a Christian. I must have been a little devil, because one of the reasons I did this was a dream I had where satan had me in his hand and was physically carrying me to this huge furnace and I was screaming for help, then I woke up.
This new way of doing things was good, at first. I was a pretty innocent kid. I recall once being made fun of when on the the "mean" kids was shooting off firecrackers and I asked, "aren't they illegal?" They roared with laughter. What a dork, they thought I was.
After a while, my little meetings with Jesus came fewer and less often. Then as I began to be concerned with how "cool" I was, little by little I would do things that were supposed to send me "straight to Hell." I was surprised when no lightning bolt came and knocked me dead. I messed with cigarettes although I never found any worth in them. They made my fingers and breath stink and some people had brown teeth because of them. But God was merciful to me and when I'd get diarrhea when I'd smoke the first one, I figured I didn't need the foul things so, I really quit before I got started, but still, no bolt of lightning.
Mom and dad were on one of their twice monthly trips to North Carolina, which had become even less fun. My cousin Herb had married and I seldom got to see him. My best friend suggested I try "getting drunk." We went to A&P and got a "colored man" to buy us a couple of bottles of wine. I didn't know what was going to happen to me, so the experiment took place in my parent's driveway. Drinking was fun. I enjoyed the "buzz."
I kept trying all these new things to become a "man of the world" and to experience things I didn't wish to miss out on. My INTENTION was to be a virgin when I married. My first girlfriend was not until I had graduated high school. She was virtuous...one more reason why I adored her so, but she broke up with me. The message I took from that was that she wanted us to have sex. So, I then set out to lose this anchor I was carrying around. See, because I sang in a rock and roll band, most people thought I took advantage of the fringe benefits. But my inner circle of friends teased me and called me "The Big V" because I was a virgin. Well, SIr...when I willingly gave THAT up, the Enemy of my soul came and said, "I've GOT you, now!" I felt he did. I thought I had gone beyond God's merciful reach. I felt trapped. I WAS evil. I LOVED doing this latest wrong thing. I was hooked. It was good. It was wrong. Most people disagreed, but it was WRONG.
