Monday, January 12, 2009

It Didn't Say Duet on the Sign Up Sheet, Did It?

So Saturday night, a band I'd heard umpteen times was playing at Locked & Loaded, so I headed out to karaoke land a little drive to a place I've only been to like a couple times for that purpose.
I TOLD you about the young man who befriended me with the refreshing world view. Well I had just arrived and sang "Clean Up Your Own Back Yard," and Elvis classic and took my seat and before long, did the Doors' "Roadhouse Blues."
My new friend went up and did a heavy metal tune. Sorry, I don't really know one from the other because it's not my genre, and I was again called up to the mic.
"Kentucky Rain" always goes over well in that particular place, so I start in on the first couple of bars and this, in the vernacular of today, "random dude" comes up, gets the other mic, at which point, I handed mine to the karaoke host and went and took my seat. People were visibly and audibly disappointed, but the buttinske didn't sing a note. Next thing I know, he's at my side calling me everything but a Child of God, with references to my Mom being a female dog. I shrugged and sipped my tea.
My new friend asked what the deal was and I said, "I'm fully capable of messing up that song by myself. I surely don't need help." He asked if I wanted him to "get him," and I said, "No, no, no,no. There's no need for all of that. It's not important." When my tea was finished I casually walked back over to the host and he said, "Sorry, Man. I thought he was your bud!"
I said, "Just so you know, if I'm ever back here again and I'm going to do a duet, I'll put two names on the sign up sheet. I am perfectly capable of messing the song up by myself."
The host again, said, "Sorry, Dude."
"Don't worry about it" and I was on my way back to more familiar surroundings.
I can't figure out why the guy didn't just sing, if he thought he was so good. I found out quickly, I don't have the personality, or lack thereof to be a karaoke host. Unlike many, I AM a deejay, having worked on radio in that capacity, but I always had little patience for the food draggers, who when called, milked the spotlight for all they could get. Some of them like to make long, boring announcements for extra time. A popular, predictable bore is the jerk who'll come up and say, "How you all doin',"or, if say, it's Locked & Loaded, say, "Hey, Locked & Loaded, wuzzup?"or the ever so original, "Be sure to tip your bartender, I'm gonna take you back with this one now..."
I always cut the mic off until the first phrase of the song on jokers like that. Often they'd say, "Hey man...I had something to SAY!"
I'd say, "This isn't Charlie Goodnights. This is karaoke." The ones who'd light a cigarette or finish a drink before approaching the stage would get, "Billy going once, Billy going twice, Okay, we're going to skip Billy until later." About a good forty percent more singers got their opportunity to sing when I was there. Legitimate singers LOVED me at karaoke. I NEVER did so called "dance breaks" or "deejay breaks."
Karaoke brings out the best in some...the worst in others. I'm too impatient to tolerate these turkeys, most of which have no clue that they're totally tone deaf!

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