Ignorance Personified

When I first moved to this God-forsaking (at times) place, I made a lot of trips from Garner, where I lived to Wilson, where my aunt lived at the time. The only way we knew of to get there was highway 42, a two-lane rolling affair that was frustrating at best and, as my Mom used to say, "enough to aggravate Jacob" in the summer, when hick tobacco farmers would wait for traffic to try to come by and pull out with their tractors and loads of cancer-causing weed. I wouldn't say too much out loud, because all of us in the car shared the frustration, but I can assure you, the words that came up in my mind, would not be suitable for Sunday School!
IDIOTS! But they had to register their frustration at non-farmers, and non-locals trying to get from point A to point B. The audacity of them riding through the land of the golden leaf!
Things improved when US 264 was finished that takes traffic to Greenville and East Carolina University. That also happened to be about the time our trips became very infrequent.
Well, the Tarheel tradition of ignorant locals blocking and slowing traffic continues.
I commute daily to Louisburg from Garner...a forty-nine mile trek from my driveway to my destination, and anyone (another Mom-ism here) "with one eye and half sense" knows that you can safely drive five over posted with no fear of getting a ticket, or as the local expression goes, getting "PULLED."(I used to wonder about that expression, always thinking, hey, Dad must be driving well. I've never known the car to be pulled by a wrecker since I'VE been around! When I'd see a car being towed, I thought it was someone who had been speeding. Child logic)
But what do you expect from people who are known for redundancy, who use expressions like, HOT water heater (as opposed to one that hasn't been stolen?) and BABY chicks (as opposed to grown ones?) and my favorite, "going to the DOT'-ter" (doctor.)
So, if you find yourself in the unfortunate circumstance of having to use highway 96 from Zebulon to highway 401, and highway 401 from the 96 intersection into Louisburg, many of the tribe of the Ignorami, drive five miles UNDER the speed limit. Even and especially on a clear, sunny day with zero visibility problems (except that these hicks can't see the forest for the trees) I can hear 'em now. "Whah yuh in sech a hurree, Hoss?" They're also notorious for STOPPING before making a turn. I often pass them and am tempted to yell, "Sure hope you didn't turn it over, going so fast!" It's like the old commercial of the car crawling down the freeway and the granny in the passenger seat yelling, "Slow DOWN! You're gonna kill us ALL!"
The WORST ones, are the Goobers and Gomers who wait till traffic's coming and pull out, never excelerating anywhere NEAR the speed limit, and turn in less than a half mile. That burns me up!
People who drive so far UNDER the speed limit should have their licenses revoked!
Argh!